my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
