Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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