there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
