i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
