I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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