The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we made out on top of his cat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
