we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
