so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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