Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
