I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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