Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
