someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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