My hand turned me down
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
