I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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