hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
