why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need water and some morals
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
