he wants to bone in the snuggie
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
