I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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