So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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