Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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