I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
