I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
