If that was your dad, he is hot
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
