i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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