It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
