My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
