how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
