how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
