You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
