I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
