I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
