i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
