im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
