I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
