Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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