do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
