Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My life is pants optional.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
