is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
