I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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