Three words: puerto rican gang bang
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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