I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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