I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Success! We fucked roommates!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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