Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everyone says I win the strip club
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
