i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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