Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
