Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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