ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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