I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
