Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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