I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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