You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
